You Don't Scare Me

There’s nothing about you that would
Scare me, surprise me
Or make me turn away;
Because in my heart
I know we’re the same.

You’ve been broken, abused,
Tortured and used --
You know the pain of looking every day
For someone to tell you that what you do is okay.
Hungry for approval in any possible way.

You hate them,
despise them
and yet still in the end all you want is for them to tell you:
“you did good, kid”

But those words never come,
So you subscribe to the lie and the pain
That it doesn’t matter what you do
Or how far you push yourself.
You are worthless
And useless
And everything you aspire to is
WRONG

That no one will like you for you,
No one will see past the mistakes you made --
Whether now or back in the day.
You can push yourself as hard as you can
And still fall flat on your face.
It doesn’t matter...

You!
Don’t!
Matter!




But,

That’s a lie.

Because I’m right here
Experiencing the same thing.
Knowing that you don’t scare me.

Why would you?
We’re the same, you see.

Because I was that kid who woke up on monday
Glad to go to school because then I wouldn’t have to see them.
I wouldn’t have to be around my family.
I wouldn’t have to fight for the attention
That an eleven year old girl needed
To survive the treacherous waters of reality.
Because at that age I was already an adult --
Facing the world, because I knew I would never be protected.
Because who would protect a broken child like me?

No one.

And every Friday I dreaded --
Because the weekend only meant I had no place to escape to.
No place where there was even a semblance of acceptance.
Day in,
Day out --
Locked in my room because of some side comment
That I couldn’t keep in.

I was taught to speak my mind.
And every week that was what kept me chained.
I wasn’t free.

I was the only one I could trust.
Walking was my way of survival,
Lost in my own dreams --
I kept myself alive.

Because,
You see,
I was prey to that lie too.

I wanted that “well done”

And now ten years later I’m only just starting to get it.
After the bitterness is so set into my system there’s no getting it out

So, no.
You don’t scare me.
Don’t let me scare you.